To Be or Not to Be... Woman

What does it mean to be a woman?

What are the rules?

Who made them?

What happens if you break them?

I use to think long hair, breast, and a uterus made a woman but now I question it all. 

Many years ago I decided I would cut my hair when either one of my parents passed or when I got my first gray hair. It was about four months after my dad's passing when I finally made the big chop. I was about to wash my hair when I heard a voice say " Why". I took the scissors from the hallway closet and began chopping. Saying the cut made me lighter would be super cliche and untrue, but I did feel different. I felt even better the next day when I left the barbershop, but also felt like I needed to change the way I dressed because I didn't " look" like a woman. At that moment I realized how much I relied on my hair to define my womanhood. I moved to Indiana about to month later and without my hometown barber, I didn't like what I saw in the mirror and at times. I began looking for alternatives ways to show off my womanhood, but my east coast urban chique style was nowhere to found in this small midwestern town. My outside reflection reminded me of a boy at times as I struggled to tap into the woman inside of me. Earrings, precious metals, and handcrafted pieces are where I found my happiness. This journey to a simple solution reminded me of my post nursing(breastfeeding) experience.

My breasts are smaller since nursing my children, and that negatively affected me for a while. Because in my reality a full bosom was a sign of womanhood. I tried exercises and food but nothing restore my breast to their pre-breast feeding size and shape. I felt defeated as I continued to ask myself: How could I show I was a woman? I finally embraced my new breast reality and letting go of my old clothes and things that no longer fit. About a decade later, and once again my clothes no longer fit.

I can't breathe in my jeans, and while I never experienced this as a teenager or young adult my adult life includes be bleeding through clothes. The diagnosis of Uterine Fibroids, smacked harder than any hand ever could. My OB/GYN informed me that I could have the fibroids removed but they could always return unless I had a hysterectomy but, would I still be a woman.

Here is what I figured out

I am a woman not because of my physical appearance but because of something inside me that can’t be physically touched or cutaway.

This inner essence is fed by life experiences. Each experience affords me the opportunity to look deeper in myself to ask who am I and what brings me joy. My physical representation is the only manifestation of what I choose to let shine. These culminating experiences make aging a beautiful process that allows me to grow more into being a woman. My becoming can never be undone.

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💛Mya

#women #womahood #breastfeading #uterinefibroids #womensupportingwoman #thebigchop