The Call

✨Get off the wheel of insanity.

✨Be good to yourself

✨They’ll be good.

While orange is not my ideal color for a car it was not my birthday, and therefore not my choice. I made sure to leave my event early so that we could pick out their car for their birthday. When I look back, my early departure from my event doesn't sit right with my soul. I rushed away from a family member's funeral so that this person could have a car for their birthday. I jumped to answer the call to fulfill this person's wishes, not yet realizing that this was a call I could never be able to make.

Get off the wheel of insanity.

Better yet I could make the call, to this person, but wouldn't be answered. For some reason I'd gotten used to making calls, it felt like a responsibility a duty of some sort that had been imprinted in my psyche as the right thing to do. I’ve been guilty of calling some people on their birthdays and sending texts just to check in with people because it’s “how I wanted to be treated” This call and text were not always reciprocated, but it is better to give than to receive right? Then reality hit I was rushing to do it for people who didn’t have the time of day for me in an effort to be a good person. But I wasn’t good to myself.

Be good to yourself

You can only pour so much from your cup before it is empty. More time than I would like to admit, I found myself depleted of my resources because I'd given to several sources that failed to give back. The ultimate smack to the face was when these sources began to dislike me because I no longer had what they wanted or desired I was viewed as the " broke one" as if they had forgotten that their current financial status was financed by me. I know see that something was broken in me. In me, there was some broken sense of value, what I have to offer and what I needed to offer to the relationship. I put myself on a budget that included both my finances and emotions. If it cost me peace the price was too high.

They’ll be good.

Creating a wellness budget was easy in the planning, a lot more difficult in execution, but well worth it in the long run. They say you can't be logical and emotional at the same time, so I used a logical method to get out of the emotional rut...hey it was my emotional mind that had me on this cycle of insanity. The first thing I did was look and my call log and text messages. I assed my log to see how much reaching out I was doing, and how much reaching back was being done. I erased a few threads and a few contacts, this by far was one of the hardest parts because it was essentially cutting the cord that tethered me to these people too. There is more storage space on phone, I view that space as space for new experiences and people if I choose. My circle of people is smaller and I am happier. During hard times I reminded myself that I was unrealistic to believe that those people's sole happiness depended on me and me alone. I reminded myself that the job of making myself happy is mine and mine alone, so it's only logical that their happiness depended on them.

What’s the point of being tethered to someone that ain’t tethered to you?

We done with that!

We going for quality over quantity!

We are no longer crossing rivers for ppl who wouldn’t step over a puddle for us and we are no longer calling folk who don’t call us. That mess is both insane and tiresome.

In the words of the wise @kibibiajanku.

“Stop calling folk who don’t call you”

✨Get off the wheel of insanity.

✨Be good to yourself

✨They’ll be good.

Hope you enjoyed this quick read!

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- Mya