Hearing, Listening and Agreeing are not the same thing

I can hear your words, but I have to decide to listen to your message and then decide if I agree or disagree.

A disagreement does not devalue the opinion or knowledge of another it is simply a different view, but I feel the danger comes when we are unable to listen. Impervious Ideology, a term recently introduced to me through the lens of educational philosophy(pedagogy) but a term that I am realizing comes effects so many facets of our lives. In its simplest form, impervious ideology is the state of believing that your values /belief system is perfect and thus lacking any flaws. Now, I know some of us might read this and think “of course my beliefs and values are perfect, that’s why they are my belief/ values, but I ask you to reflect on how you project these values/ beliefs on others. Are you projecting in a way that might be harmful to others? Beliefs/values and traditions are all relative. These ideas are relative to lived experience, perceptions, and visions of how an individual wants to live their life. Are you teaching someone that who they are is invalid or less than? I offer my experience as a reminder that we all are teachers, and that hearing listening and agreeing are not the same thing.

As an educator, mother, and community member I have to question what narrative am I pushing especially at it relates to beauty. Beauty can be trivial because there fails to be a clear unified definition of what it is. Can beauty be quantified, or is it merely a subjective evaluation based on perspectives; I argue the latter. The absence of a unified definition creates space for “Isms”: Color-ism, Texture-ism, Size-ism, but it also creates a space to value all of the variations in the world. My daughter has challenged my own concept of physical beauty. I Lean towards the natural side when it comes to body care and so does my personal idea of beauty. My motto is if I can’t eat it, I shouldn’t put it on my body. This ideology was tested when my daughter reached high school and began playing in makeup. She is a slow-moving person, that loves her sleep, so imagine my surprise when she was opting to wake up early. She would get up an hour earlier to do her makeup and I was both amazed and annoyed. While amazed by her determination, I was also confused and annoyed that she felt the need to apply anything to her naturally beautiful face. Things only made sense when I was able to listen to why she loved paint. Ok I feel need to backtrack…

During her preschool days, my daughter (now a visual artist) often woke in the middle of the night. Tired of getting up every night I decided to fill her room with art supplies: water paints, crayons, markers even oil paints (yes, I said I gave my very young child oil paints). I suggested she make a piece of art when she woke up at night and had a hard time going back to sleep. She could stay up as long as she wanted but needed to make sure she got enough to sleep to easily wake up in the morning. My daughter’s nightly art session allowed her to explore color in various mediums. A love for color developed as she explored multiple ways to manipulate color. For her, color is beauty and art. For her makes up is an extension of beauty and art. I’d heard my daughter talk about her love for art, but it wasn’t until I listened to the version of the story (I already knew) that I could understand her view. While I still don’t agree wearing make-up daily I better understand the beauty that can be found in it. Hearing listening and agreeing are not the same thing, but listening cracks impervious ideologies creating space to see/accept the beautifully diverse way people navigate this human experience. After all, wouldn’t it be boring if all looked the same and did the exact same things?

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💛Mya